Why is it so hard to make friends after a certain age??

Remember when it was truly THAT easy?? “Hey, I like your dress, wanna be friends?”  “Wow, my hair is curly too…wanna play??” Or better yet when your Mom made all your friends for you? Hello play date anyone?? Geezus can someone PLEASE schedule me a play date por favor?? Like many of my other 20ish friends (the majority of my besties live hours and hours away) however, we are at a place in our lives where we’re tired of Friday nights alone but don’t necessairly wanna rage at some hot stuffy club with a bunch of strangers we met on some meetup website. We have full time jobs, kids, partners and other ‘adult’ responsibilities so just wandering around coffee shops, malls and musuems saying “Hey wanna be my friend” is not only time consuming but extra creepy and may land you on the pshycho stalker list. So, my question is how in the hell do you make new friends when you’re older ummm more mature?? I mean, It always seems so much easier for guys but freaking harder then making the cheer team in highschool for the ladies. I thought oh, maybe I’ll just magically become friends with my guys friends girlfriends and wives because well, we’ll all be doing things together and wouldn’t it just make sense?? I mean we have to magically have things in common too right?? NOT! That couldn’t be more from the truth *le sigh* so here I sit on a beautiful Saturday morning dying to have brunchy gossip times at some yummy bay area type restaurant with bottomless mimosa’s in a fabulous sun dress and wedges or better yet looking forward to a night out with my favs that ends up with sore feet, greasy food and old men hitting on us, however I’m left once again asking myself…where have all my friends gone?? I know, I know…no where honestly. One bestie is in Maryland, the others sprawled between Sandiego, San Francisco, Oakland, Conneticut, Arkansas and everyfreaking where else but here in Hollywood with me. (cue “You’ve got a friend” by, Carol King) Now I know exactly how Carrie felt when she was in Paris and she saw that group of girls having brunch through the window and it made her miss her gals in NY so much.

“Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold”

Making new friends when you’re older is tough…sometimes you need in person girl time and the good ol’ 3 hour phone chat with those distant BFF’s  just isn’t enough. I mean have you ever tried crying on the shoulder of a friend through the phone!!?? Yeah, impossible to say the least IM-POSSIBLE! So please share your secrets how do you make friends after the ‘golden’ new friends age? This gal is tired of spending beautiful weekends without some strong estrogen company in her life.

Labor Day weekend… ALL ABOARD!!

Once or twice when my sister was in college my Mom would drop my brother and I off in Oceanside to catch the train to go and spend the weekend with my sister at UCLA. It was a super short ride, about an hour but always so much fun. I always felt such a sense of adventure when I would wheel my little suitcase on the train and my brother and I could pick any seat our little hearts desired and away we went.  For some reason the excitement of a train ride always made me feel like a Southern bell. You can’t overpack because there is nothing cute about a ton of luggage and a train (I’m not sure what but its just not) I feel like you indefinitely have to wear a dress. Its total protocol…Im a lady, I’m riding a train and well I will be wearing a dress. If I had cute little gloves that stopped at the wrist and a hat to carry in a hat box I’d totally have that too.  NO PEARLS though…what is this the 1950’s??? But since I’m a modern girly girl I’m sitting in my seat wearing the cutest Maxidress, makeup to perfection sipping on my green tea and blogging 🙂 eagerly anticipating the rest of my labor day weekend with my someone special and embracing the fact that this little three day weekend is about to change everything in a very BIG way.

Happy Labor day guys…enjoy the sunshine and your time with family and friends!

406 Palisades drive aka THE BREAKUP HOUSE

I’m currently sitting in my ex-boyfriend, prospective husband (I thought, I think…who really knows anymore **le sigh**), best-friend, confidants, brand new three bedroom absolutely gorgeous loft that he well, just moved out of. Did I mention its empty **pause for effect**  Yes, I did say he was my ex-boyfriend and a host of other things in the last sentence **pause** (process that…yes, feel free to process one more time) the only reason I’m here is because he is in LA currently moving into yet another new loft…work transfer. And well someone had to be here to let the house cleaners in to do the final clean and well of course…”I’ll do it, I’ll be there…anything else you need feel free to count on me!” (Kokoa raises hand!!) I’ll admit it I like helping him, I like being the one he calls when he needs something but I still must ask myself, why do we as women put ourselves through this type of torture?? I’m sitting here recounting the countless mornings and nights we spent here together…movies in the big bed followed by late night conversations, Adele as the soundtrack and huge glasses of red wine to wash it all down. The BREAK which turned into his Break through which ultimately turned into our Break-up which then led to my Break Down and currently my BROKEN HEART all happened in this DAMN loft! You’d think I’d be happy to say goodbye to it…but sadly change is never easy. So as Lupe <-Yes, that really IS her name, I’m not some insensitive racist, washes the last shelf in the refrigerator and her sister wipes down the last mirror in the bathroom (ok, that was kind of racist, I’m not really sure there sisters) I am faced with the question. If you’re not worthy of his heart then why in the hell did you drive across the bridge to let in the house cleaners!!? **pause for thought** Oh, I know…because you’re the crazy girl who is still in love with a man who may not be in love with you anymore. Am I really THAT pathetic or am I just in Love…or as one of my best friends always says…oh honey “You’re just ‘in DUMB’, Let us not mistake that with Love.” Which is it?? I need an answer…like ummmm yesterday perhaps.

I still love him! (there, I admitted it) I’m still madly in love with Superman.

Lupe just asked me to come and do the final walk through…hold please.

Ughhh!! Is she psychic?? Or does the universe just like screwing with me sometimes?? Lupe says “Oh why are you guys moving” as she gathers her things to head back to her car. “Oh my boyfriend (phuckin Freudian slip) got transferred to LA for work” Of course her reply…classic and sweet (which also drove a blunt, rusty pitchfork into my heart is…) with her thick Spanish accent…(go ahead…think Penelope Cruz)  “Ohhh Hollywood!! Nice weather, have fun, beautiful place to make baby! Your boyfriend is very lucky you are beautiful!” she then bid me good luck, grabbed the last of her things and walked back to her car. With a lump in my throat I respond “Thank you Lupe”…walked back in the garage and pushed the button for it to close one last time.

I make one final walk around the condo. Tears in my eyes and an extremely heavy heart once again closing another chapter in my life with Superman. It seems like over the last year we’ve written a Trilogy. I realize I’m tired of goodbyes. I’m tired of see you laters…I’m officially 100% sick and tired of breakups followed by “if it’s meant to be time will reveal.”  I’m ready for consistency, I’m ready to be wanted and loved unconditionally, for someone to want to fight for me because DAMN IT…I am sick and tired of always being the only one fighting in the relationship. I don’t know what the future holds but I know one things for sure…In my 10 years of being in this beautiful city I’ve learned, lived and learned to LOVE and the next time anyone say’s goodbye it will be me.

San Francisco, I’ve officially given you an expiration date!

STOP!! WAIT!! You are worth more then your ‘cookies’!!

STOP!! WAIT!! You are worth WAITING for!!

Okay…I’m finally ready to write on this topic. I imagine I will be faced with some scrutiny, backlash and down right objection but over the last 6 months my take on this topic has really changed….and the topic is…**DRUMROLL PLEASE** Abstinence…Waiting…Not letting any old Tom, Dick or Harry stick his grubby lil hands in the cookie jar before he has truly proven that he is worthy of the cookies. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am very aware women have needs. I know…I have them. But, has our concern regarding getting those needs met turned us into a bunch of lil’ trollops who give it up way too soon?? (Yes, I know that sounded a tad harsh but the truth hurts sometime) Now, I know some of you are reading this thinking…

Girl, you are wild, Isn’t Las Vegas your second home…aren’t you the girl who said wearing panties everyday was really just a waste of laundry?? Better yet…I’ve seen your Facebook pictures and you are no saint.

Yes, I am that girl…I am still proudly wild, sassy, sexy, uninhibited and FUN but the truth is, I wish I had waited, maybe not until I was married, maybe not FOREVER but just waited long enough until I knew if the guy was really worth it. Not because of the things that people have said or implied about me (based off Facebook pictures or gossip) remember people 98% of pictures are posed.

Why??? Because I am worth so much more than just my goodies.

 I realize every time I have ever slept with someone I in turn gave him a little piece of me…a little piece that I would never ever be able to get back. And let’s be real ladies…how many ‘pieces’ of us do we really have to give?? Or better yet we’ve now given so many until we have tricked ourselves into believing that if we don’t give it up he will leave. We lead with our breasts, booties and hips in hopes that we will snag a good man who is able to look past the physical. But let’s be real…men are visual creatures…they like things they can touch…breasts, booties, hips and legs. If that’s what we go into it leading with and don’t force them to get to know who we really are, brains, strengths and weaknesses, fears, hopes, religious preferences, family background, expectations etc. Then who are we to get mad when that guy treats us like a hoe?? I mean isn’t that we looked like when we walked into the club with all our nouns and adjectives on display.  (Now, I am by no way saying we should all invest in hobbits and dress like nuns) But, think about this for a minute…how many men have you cried over that you haven’t slept with?? Maybe one, if any. This is because the emotional connection once you sleep with someone is heightened. It gives you a false sense of closeness.  It’s that good ol’ oxytocin…some like to refer to it as the love hormone.  It makes you feel a connection that is truly only physical but tricks you into believing it is so much more. How much does that suck when all we’re really trying to do is get a lil’ nooky and then go on about our business and then we end up falling in love with the guy…SUCKS…right!!?  Especially when we weren’t looking for Mr. Right just Mr. Right now!

Ladies, if we give a man at least 6 months after the first three he will start to show his true colors. I call it the Real World syndrome (yeah, like the MTV show) he will show you who he is. Think about it like this…when you watch Real World everyone stays loyal to their significant others, is the sweetest person in the house they can maintain whatever image they want the house to see but only for so long. Eventually the real him will come out. If there neurotic…you’ll know. If there obsessive…you’ll know. If there controlling…you’ll know.  If there a lying cheating man who is still entertaining a relationship with his ex(ES) you will find out. Men aren’t good liars. But most of all if all they want from you is SEX…if you don’t give it up they’ll leave because there are plenty of girls out there who will give it up. Men don’t have to work anymore so don’t be THAT girl be the one he works for. You are worth more than your lady bits. Yes, while you’re making him wait he may sleep with other women…you can’t control that. Make him work and do not give him any titles or special privileges until he’s proven himself worthy. This also means don’t make him your man until he’s proven he deserves it.  Let him treat her like the booty call, make him treat you like the future wife not just the jump off. While he’s taking her to Denny’s he’s taking you on ferry rides to Sausalito weekend getaways to Tahoe and of course around his friends and out in the day time. Sidenote: If he only calls you after 10, you never get holidays or even dates in the daytime (some remote restaurant in Fresno doesn’t count) and when you guys hangout his phone is always on silent girl you are indeed the JUMPOFF!! I’m not saying a great relationship can’t spawn from a one or two night stand but the probability of that happening is about as likely as a pink moon and well…have you seen one yet girl??

Trust me…YOU are worth WAITING for. If he won’t wait he is NOT worth your time or energy and certainly not your cookies. Imagine…you ask him to wait for a month…that’s only 4 weeks, 28-31 days depending on the month and he can’t do it…what kind of no self-control having ‘man’ is that. Trust me one you DON’T want . Now, I know we can’t be perfect…mistakes happen. We can’t beat ourselves up over them but we can learn from them and not make the same mistakes over and over again. I mean how many of us gave it up EARLY and then three weeks later we’re all sitting over mimosa brunch saying how angry we are that Mr. Sexy isn’t calling anymore…won’t return our texts or worst of all…we see him out with another girl. ~Gasp…Shutter…been there, seen that…I wouldn’t wish it on anyone~

So ladies…make him wait…make him prove himself…make him prove to you that he is worth entering  your body… and that doesn’t just mean with a pedicure, nice dinner or Gucci bag!! You can get all of that yourself. Talk to him, ask questions (lots and lots of questions), listen to his responses and watch his actions…when somebody shows you who they are believe them. If we take a pair of shoes that hurt back to the store or better yet throw them away and get a new pair then why are we so careless with our hearts and bodies?? We are worth waiting for!!

So when you just need to tap into the ‘I need some right now pond’ there’s plenty of Youporn, Coochietube (just google it) and fun stuff at Good Vibrations (yep, you can buy there fun stuff online too if you don’t live in San Francisco!)  Trust me it will get you there without the headache, heartache or that dreadful oh shit…Now I got to pee on a stick!! It’s really not worth it…is it??

So, as I said before…I’m no saint…a self-proclaimed wild child to say the least but one thing I realize now is…I wish I’d waited…and one day you may too.

“You never wish you’d waited until you find that special someone who you wish you had waited for.”

Mama needs a cocktail…with her GIRLS!!

Okay…so today I had an epiphany while sitting in class…wait, wait..let me start out by saying I do truly LOVE my boyfriend. I don’t want there to be any confusion as we proceed. I love spending time with him, catching up on our DVR’d shows, snuggling on the couch, falling asleep in each others arms, cooking and eating together, having one to many cocktails, grown-up cardio, patio chats,his laugh, the way he pinches my butt when we’re in public places,his smile, okay…maybe I’m a tad bit obsessed but not psycho status just ‘Wow!! He’s amazing how did I ever get so lucky…”  Just being in his presence is more then enough for me, but I realized something today when he got a wild hair up his butt and decided to go play basketball, it made me mad…like throughly pissed me off to the point where I still had an attitude an hour after I left his house and was sitting in class. I realized  Men do what they want, when they want. Now this isn’t necessarily a bad thing…I think we all can be a little selfish when it comes to how we choose to spend our time at times but what I suddenly realized was while I’ve been “nesting” as women tend to do soon after we get in a relationship…you know…cook, plan stuff for the two of you to do together, sleep in and snuggle on Saturday mornings when you really just wanna go wander the aisles of DSW in a fabulous outfit and bright red lipstick, have popcorn and wine for dinner instead of breaking out the Betty Crocker hat EVERY NIGHT, lay around in your un-sexy pjs while watching Lifetime movies or Sex and the City re-runs, or put on your tiniest dress and highest heels and have a play date with the girls WE instantly operate in WE mode. What are WE going to do this weekend? What are WE going to have for dinner? What should WE watch on TV? I find myself always operating in the plural…the singular  me took a sabbatical sometime around Thanksgiving and I’m kinda starting to miss her…singular not SINGLE. (I swore I saw my face on the side of a milk carton at Whole Foods yesterday…no lie). The caption read:

Last seen cupcakin' in Portrero Hill

“Have you seen this girl?? Fun, Vivacious, Mildly inappropriate…enjoys dancing on tables, taking her puppy to the beach and just being FABULOUS!!?”

No, I DO NOT WANT TO BREAK-UP with my man. No, I do not want to date other people or any silly madness like that but I do need to find ME again the balance between being his partner but not losing myself or neglecting my friends.

What do you want for dinner? What do you want to do today? Whats your schedule looking like this week? Do you like this outfit? Your apartment suddenly becomes more like a hotel then your girly cavern of amazement because you’re only there long enough to change,shower, pack a new bag and scurry back over to his place. Now, in my case yes my boys place is huge, has a great patio, is in a cool neighborhood in San Francisco (nowhere near as cool as mine though) and he makes me feel more than welcome when I’m there…even gave me my own set of keys (free to come and go as I please)  but it’s just not mine and no matter how comfortable I feel or how much I love being there I miss my Mission castle and wouldn’t mind cooking in my kitchen every now and then. I miss my window box, the fact that I can turn my bathroom and bedroom into a total disaster when I’m getting dressed…even when I’m only getting dressed to go take the Prince on a walk. I can have resees pieces for breakfast without feeling like a fatty, but most of all having all my clothes and shoes to choose from when its time to get ready to go out instead of being tied to those skinny jeans and a cardigan that no longer look skinny or the cardigan that is now too warm because SF decided to have one of its Summer in Winter days without checking with me first.  Ladies…I know YOU felt me on that one.

So tomorrow morning I’m going to meet with my trainer bright and early. I’m getting my wobbly bits back to ballet and am enrolling in guitar lessons as soon as I can find a patient instructor. I’m going to my pole dancing classes with Alycakes, will be doing mid-week drinks with Ashley and sometimes just going home to my sanctuary (even itf its just for a couple of hours) because HELL I’m still paying rent and monthly parking there and if you know SF that madness is NOT cheap!

I don’t believe in cohabitation before marriage…I think its very important for both people involved to have there own home and then find one together AFTER he likes it so much he put that ROCK on it… but for the mean time even though it seems fun and sexy and the ‘right’ thing to do, to sit up under each other 24/7 DON’T! Take a breather every now and then…spend time with your girls…don’t forget who YOU are. The fun, sexy, spontaneous, vivacious you is why he picked you to be his girlfriend. Plus, spending time apart will defiently make the ‘grown-up cardio’ even more fun once you’re back in the same room. Keep it fresh, keep it fun, still put on lip gloss and heels just because…and don’t let him see you in your everyday bra no matter how comfortable you feel.

This way when he grabs his basketball shorts you just grab your yoga mat…go work up a sweat…go back to your house…slip into something sexy….reconvene in a few hours and go out with your boy or your girls for a cocktail or three then come home and hop in HIS California King bed because no matter how much you want to be in your Princess Palace every now and then we all know it’s NO FUN TO SLEEP ALONE!! I wouldn’t trade falling asleep in his arms for all the tea in China but sometimes…just sometimes its good to have a lil’ me time because balance IS important…

PS. Did I say how much I loved my boyfriend??

Appetizing,Divine,Mouthwatering,Succulent…

All these words describe one of my most favoritest (yes I said favoritest) things to do…and that is indulge in delectable, appetizing, absolutely delicious foods….go ahead hate me a lil’ (but just a little) I eat almost any and everything I want…within moderation of course and don’t gain a pound well unless its goes to my booty and that is NEVER a problem (Thank you Mommy and Daddy for the good genes) Because of this beautiful blessing I indulge in tasty treats on a regular basis. Anthony’s Cookies, Bi-Rite Cremery, Memphis Minnies, Steps of Rome, Patxi’s deep dish pizza and the list goes on.