Beyonce “4”

The new Beyonce ROCKS!! I’ve been jammin’ to it in the house and in my car since the day it dropped. Yes, it is slightly different sound than other Bey albums but I’d still happily give it 5 stars. Bey is fierce, fun and such a fashionista and I just love her drive and passion. I can not forget the way she lets the WHOLE world know she LOVES her man but still maintains their privacy. I’m a total celebrity gossip hore but I respect Bey’s desire for privacy and don’t get mad when she still won’t leak her wedding photos or discuss her and Jays private life.

My personal favs on the album…1+1 I couldn’t have written a more honest and true love song. I feeeeel you Bey!! “I don’t know much about Algebra but I know 1+1=2 and its me and you…we ain’t got nothing without love…” Best thing I Never had I’m gonna go ahead and say she was in my head when she wrote this one. “So when I think of time that I almost loved you, you showed your ass and I saw the real you…I won’t let you back, I’m honestly through with you…I bet it sucks to be you right now…You’re the best thing I NEVER had!” Party I’m not sure what mind altering substance may have been consumed during the writing of this song but ummm “Saucy like SWA-GU” <secretly I know it’s a hot mess but I love it and it makes me want to go to a roller skating rink and hold hands with some cute boy in old school matching outfits during ‘couples’ skate. Start Over “Maybe we reached the mountain peak, and there’s no more left to climb, and maybe we lost the magic piece, and we’re both too blind to find, let’s start over, let’s give love the wings,let’s start over, Stop fighting bout’ the same old thing, let’s start over, we can’t let our good love die, maybe we can start all over, give love another life” Can this song be any more timely. Love on top I feel like me and my girlfriends should be painting our nails rocking side ponytails whilst eating popcorn at a sleepover and totally filming the music video to this song. I Was Here “I wanna leave my footprints on the sand of time…leave something to remember so they won’t forget I was here. I lived and I loved, I will leave my mark so EVERYONE knows I was here.”  and of course Run the World (GIRLS) Talk about girl anthem for sure!!! I love it, I blast it every morning when I’m getting dressed. If only I was a cheerleader…this will be every highschool cheersquads competition song…mark my word!

Love the album. If you don’t have it…GO GET IT!! I mean like RIGHT RIGHT NOW…Yes, that is an ORDER! (No, I will NOT burn it for you)

 

Btw…I love that she has no shame in being her man’s #1 fan…I will indefinitely be the exact same way when he puts a ring on it and I can not wait!

"Love"

 

A Joe Jackson fragrance…REALLY??

Pure Phuckery at its best!! Joe Jackson has created a fragrance…drumroll please…’Tribute’ for men and ‘Legend’ for Women. I hear the male fragrance is musty…I mean MUSKy and the female fragance is more of a refreshing floral scent **blank stare** who the hell wants to smell like Joe Jackson let alone a scent inspired by him. This man is still trying to make any money he can off of his deceased son. Let the boy REST IN PEACE Joe. I mean if anything this will be one of those limited release fragrances, limited to release ONLY at ROSS and to the perfume man…you know the one who comes in the hairshop with the ‘duffle bag’ or better yet sold at Perfumia that classy kiosk in your local mall. I can’t imagine anything this man creating making me want to frolic in flower fields or stop and smell the roses all I can think it would do is make me wanna ‘slap my mama’ or kick the dog! There are some things people shouldn’t try and Joe Jackson in the fragrance business is a DOUBLE NEGATIVE!

 In the words of The great MJ… “Leave me alone”Please Joe, leave HIM alone!!

What makes Black men happy (and faithful)

So, as I’m waiting in line at Safeway…one of those late night grape juice and cinnamon graham cracker cravings (Yeah, late at night I turn into a 5 year old… #dontjudgeme) Anyway, something amazing caught my eye…the cover of this months Essence…not your usual pretty brown Hollywood starlet but three of the most beautiful chocolate pieces of man candy to ever walk the red carpet…Boris Kodjoe, Lance Gross and Blaire Underwood…but that’s not what kept my attention…the big bold Italic letters that read  “What makes Black Men Happy (and Faithful)” Ummmm WHAT!!!…the secret to how to keep my ideal man happy and faithful is between this glossy October edition of Essence. You better believe I’m buying 2 copies…just in case something happens to one of them.

I wonder if these men will make me want to be faithful to my man

Essence October 2010 Cover

So, I race home find a spot on the couch and quickly flip past all the Covergirl queen collection ads to find out How to keep MY man (well, the man I plan to have soon happy)  As soon as I flip to page 114 I’m more than ready to take a peek inside the male brain and find out what it takes to make a man happy and keep him . But sadly much to my disappointment it’s just a whole bunch of poll results and statistics as to what makes a man ‘happy’ no actual article or facts…Steve Harvey advice…NOTHING!! Ummmm….well, after reading the ‘article’ 3 times back to back I find that to keep a man you have to do a few very hmmmmm ‘simple’ things…which I’ve decided to summarize for you below:

1)Give IT up before marriage.

I’ve never heard of anyone buying a house unseen. All big ticket items need to be researched and throughly tested prior to lease or purchase.” Rubin C., 36

So, not only are you telling me I have to let my potential partner try out the goods before demanding any type of committment but that is what is expected of me. Lets not forget he likened my lady bits to a house that needs to be ‘tested’ prior to purchase….ummmm are we still cavemen?? Is this really what we’re calling advice??

2) “Twenty-two percent of black men say they ‘hate’ our headscarves”

Well, I’ve got news for you ‘brothas’ (mind you I think they only polled about 10 dudes who probably live in Miami, where the women don’t wear scarves) I will happily not wear a scarf if you are funding a quick trip to the shop lets say every ummm 2-3 days because I have to keep it sexy. Sex can not be vigorous in the least bit because sweating just can’t happen and for Christs sake don’t expect me to snuggle up with you on the couch because that’s just asking for some sort of dent or crinkle that’s going to royally piss me off  when I get up and realize I have to ‘iron’ out to even look remotely sane since I have work in the morning. Oh and scarf-less means its gonna take me even more time to get ready in the morning so zip it when I lock myself in the bathroom to attack these flyaways and frizzies to make myself presentable for us to go to Church on Sunday.

3) “Forty-eight percent of black men list loyalty as the most important trait for a women to have in a relationship (only 14% said intelligence)”

Let me translate this for you. Loyalty means 1)Dont cheat on me. 2)Don’t bad talk me in front of your friends, co-workers or family. 3) Support my dreams (even when I’m not actively pursuing them…the arc was not built-in a day, Rome was not built-in a day so even if I want to be a rapper at 40 it won’t happen in a day!) Oh, and as long as you’re fly its cool if you’re stupid…just please don’t wear that damn scarf if you just must pick up a book!

**Now for the grand finale…DRUMROLL PLEASE**

” 55% of men would not be in a relationship with a women who did not perform oral sex.”

So, the way you are telling me to keep my man happy and faithful Essence is to Put out or shut up, Don’t wrap my hair because well…its just UNSEXY , Be loyal (his definition of loyalty of course) but lastly…when all else fails play your man a beautiful tune on the good ol’ skin flute.

Shame on you Essence for selling me a dream…literally. I thought I was actually going to learn something on these glossy pages that I didn’t already know…I could be wrong but I believe most women are already doing these things…especially me and my friends. So the next time you decide you need to shed some light on the ‘How to keep a black man happy AND faithful’ topic give me some substance and real advice because all I read on these pages was what women have been doing for years and since the marriage age keeps rising and more and more beautiful, successful and smart women are still single giving good head is not going to help you keep your man (key word KEEP)!!! We know all it takes to get a man is a mini-dress and some spanx but that’s a whole nother’ blog for a whole nother’ day. Essence sorry to say but I’m dissappointed…you must do better!!

Signed,

Single…sexy and currently rockin’ my satin scarf

PS.Thanks for the man candy though…it helped to distract me from that ‘awesome” article.

Is sexual addiction real or America’s new excuse??

It’s in the news, movies and constantly a headline on Sports Center…SEX ADDICTION. Actors, Athletes even a guy I used to date used it as his excuse for being a lying porn addicted cheater. So the question remains is Sex addiction real or just an acceptable excuse for men (and some women) to excuse their cheating ways. Wikipedia defines sex addiction as:

The phenomenon in which individuals report being unable to manage their sexual behavior. It has also been called “sexual dependency,” and “sexual compulsivity.” The existence of the condition is not universally accepted by sexologist and its etiology, nature, and validity have been debated.

Is it real or is it fake?? Here’s my take on it…Sexual Addiction to me is a huge bunch of BS. Not being one to disregard addiction or the fact that some people are dealing with real addictions that need rehab and therapy to conquer…I DO NOT believe sex is one of them! More often than not we don’t hear of men having this so-called “sexual addiction” until AFTER they cheat and their spouse, girlfriend or partner finds out. In the past men who slept with numerous women got a pat on the back and a high five in the locker room. Why? Because society says its more than acceptable for men to have multiple partners. Why? Because that’s just how there wired…men are designed to sow their oats. WOMP WOMP WOMP!! To me that is a huge crock of bulls**t! In no way is it acceptable for any person to cheat on their partner and then once caught they go running and screaming into SEXUAL REHAB at some posh wilderness retreat with 52 inch televisions, swimming pools and gourmet meals that costs upwards of  fifteen thousand dollars for 4 weeks of “treatment”. Treatment my ass. If you love and respect your partner you won’t cheat on them and then if you do MAN UP, take ownership for your actions and stop making excuses. A professor once said “Excuses are like assh**es, everyone has one but they all stink!” I have no respect for people who refuse to take ownership for their actions.

In the celebrity world these men have women on tap. You can order a girl up to your room like room service. Pick the hair color, eye color, cup size etc. When you have everything at your fingertips and nobody EVER tells you no, why would you commit to one women?  Nobody is forcing you to and the majority of the women out here would compromise there morals to be on the arm of a celebrity, athlete, musician etc. They accept infidelity,  loneliness and neglect just to name a few purely for the ‘privilege’ of being on the arm of that person and it usually takes years before someone leaves or they have to suffer a huge deal of public embarrassment and scandal to finally realize they are worth more than that.

So is sexual addiction real or just an excuse to be a bonified HOE?? I’m going to have to vote for the latter. Allow your ‘man’ to sleep with all the women he wants, slip up, get caught then attend sex rehab make a public apology shed a tear or two buy you something nice a sparkly and all is forgiven. Or go bat shit crazy on his ass, Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale style pack your things (and some of his) and bounce. Taking with you what is left of your dignity and self-respect. Once again, I’m voting for the latter. Why stay with a cheater, you can do bad by yourself. So for all the Sandra Bullocks, Shaunie O’Neals and Juanita Jordans who had the courage to tell their men to take his cheating ways and shove it I applaud you…for the rest of y’all “Honey it ain’t no addiction, ol’ boy is just a hoe, you deserve better and he is NOT going to change!!”

So, in the words of Beyonce…”to the left…to the left”

Elin...He has not changed!!

And to the one who said “I think I have a sex addiction” AFTER I found out you had a whole secret relationship in another state (as if that would’ve made your actions okay?)…I may have been born at night but I wasn’t born last night…How dumb do you REALLY think I am?? ….On to the next one!!

Basketball “Wives”

So lets start out with a rousing…Womp Womp WOMP!! I am a reality TV junkie and PROUD OF IT but this follywang is absolutely ridiculous. First and foremost how is a show going to be called basketball wives when only two of the six of these trifilin’ chicks are married and the executive producer (Shaunie O’neal) has recently filed for divorce…so I feel this show should be called…”Basketball Bed-warmers”  I mean…sorry honey ya can’t call yourself a wife without a marriage license and certificate!! You have six women all with varied degrees of cosmetic surgery, enhancements etc. all living that hard “I use to be a baller but now I’m broke life”  who have realized they can get 15 more seconds of fame as well as a lil cash to air their dirty laundry so they signed on. Yeah its trashy, yeah its low-budget and yeah i’ll be tuning in to VH1 on Sunday nights at 10pm.

"If he liked it then he would've put a ring on it."

Shout out to all the real baller WIVES who have class and pride and refuse to air there dirty laundry for a lil’ pay day & an extra special shout out to the one’s  I consider the only true “Basketball Wives” Ms.Juanita Jordan, Mrs.Tamia Hill and Mrs.Cookie Johnson. Ya’ll need to school these chicks on how to keep the man and if you can’t keep him make him pay…

CHA CHING…CHING…CHING….I know Juanita’s still laughing every time she goes into the bank.

http://www.lawyersandsettlements.com/case/michael-jordan-divorce.html